Those of you who know me know how I've wrestled with the idea of going to lay school for a while. I've always had questions, and I've always wanted to know more...but Lay School of Ministry for our synod is an hour and 15 minutes away. That means an overnight stay in a stranger's home, a night away from my family, and a whole lot of discomfort. With all of this anxiety and worry I was feeling, I had to stop and ask myself two questions: Is God testing me? Or, is God telling me now is not the time He's asked me to go?
Last month, I ended up being so anxious and worked up about leaving my kids and husband, matched with running late and it being the first week of school, that I just didn't go. This month as the time approached again, I prayed and turned to scripture for guidance, and like usual, God led me to some answers. Luke 4:1-13 And Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the wilderness for forty days, being tempted by the devil. Matthew 4:1 Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. What struck me about these passages is the fact that Satan isn't the one who is leading Jesus away...No, the one behind Jesus's trials is in fact God, presented through the Holy Spirit. So why would God, the one who loves us, who wants good for us, who died for us, cause us distress through trials, temptations, and tests? Why would a God who says: “For I know the thoughts I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11) and this, “For the Lord will not cast off His people, nor will He forsake His inheritance.” (Psalm 94:14), lead Jesus (and us) away into the wilderness to perform on a test in which his faith needs to be proven? Well, because God also says this: “Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9) and this, “For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39). God never leaves us. He is with us through those tests, through those trials, through those temptations. Do we lean on Him? Do we trust in Him to get us to where He wants us to go? It takes a leap of faith- one that we might not take without a test. It also makes for a growth in faith and relationship, if we take God's test and recognize it for what it is. Again, here is one of those times when I can use my teaching career to help me attempt to comprehend our mighty Lord. In the classroom, I give assessments for a few reasons. Primarily, assessments are used to help students find out where they are at right now, and then help them to "know what they don't know" so that they can take the next steps to get where they need to be. Assessments also inform me, the teacher, of where students are at right now, which drives my instruction by influencing the content taught and the style in which it's taught. I personally love final assessment time so I can see how all the hard work these kids have put in is finally paying off. After assessments, what we need becomes more clear, how to get there becomes more clear, and we grow in our understanding and our learning based upon what we did wrong the time before. Students, however, usually don't look forward to any test I give, no matter how much I pump them up and encourage them. There is almost always a collective "awwww" when I say it's time to take an assessment, and they are never quite as excited as I am, even if I explain all of the great things that will come from it. Perhaps the tests we go through in life, given by God, are similar to the ones my students experience in the classroom. God looks at tests through a different lens; He sees what can be done as a result of a test. He sees the growth in faith, while we see the struggle. He sees the big picture, while we see our own little world at that moment in time. However, there are always students who don't take tests to help them grow. Students who take a test, fail, and give up completely on the topic. Unfortunately, this can happen to us too, if we forget what the purpose of a test really is. The purpose, both in school and in our faith, is to learn about ourselves so that we can grow and become better. When we forget that purpose, that is when we see a crisis in faith, a Christian who leaves the church, and a sorrowful God. Last month, Satan's tactics to distract me from the purpose of God's test prevailed and kept me from Lay School. This month, as the date crept closer and closer and my anxiety grew, God led me to scripture about tests through the example of Jesus. This month, because of my failed test previously, I realized my faith is strong when God is pushing me towards things that I want, but when God sends me towards things that make me uncomfortable, I'm afraid to walk out onto the water to meet Jesus. Through this test, I learned that I'm only trusting God through my words, and I need to build up a stronger trust so that I can physically act to do what God wants. I need to not just say I will trust, but I need to actually, truly trust Him. Tests aren't easy. Some are harder than others, and they're extremely difficult when we feel unprepared. But when we find ourselves struggling through the "Why me? Why now? How can you do this to me?" questions, it is then that we need to look back to God and ask Him, seek Him, pray to Him to help you through it (you know He's already there), and to give you the wisdom to know how to use that experience to draw closer to Him. Your best interests truly always His intentions. Proverbs 3:5 5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. -Sadie
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Sadie JensenI'm a follower of Christ seeking to know Him and live like Him. If you'd like to learn more, read my blog post about my faith journey here. Archives
November 2018
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