There is a lot in the bible about God’s calling:
“Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him” 1 Corinthians 7:17 Matthew 22:14 “For many are called, but few are chosen.” Romans 11:29 “For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.” Ephesians 4:1 “I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner wothy of the calling to which you have been called.” Understanding God’s calling is something that I say I personally really struggle with and pray about often. I beg God to tell me what it is He’s called me to do. I ask Him to make it obvious to me so that I can follow His will and He might be glorified. Yet, God has remained silent. Or so I thought...I hadn’t gotten an email or a phone call with direct instructions on what to do in this life. No one has come to me and told me that God wants me to do (this). But in recent days, it’s been clear to me what God has been saying all along and how closed my heart has been to Him. What I’d really been praying for is for God to do what I want to do. When I get the signs I had been praying for I choose to go the opposite direction because it’s not the path that I really want. How selfish I have been! I’ve felt, for a long time, that I should be in some kind of ministry. I’ve also felt a calling to stay home with my children and serve my family. All of these things have seemed so impossible. To become a minister, I would have through more schooling at a university far away from my family. I don’t want that. One opportunity that has been made known to me is Lay School, a one weekend per month training on the bible for two years. I’ve made excuses now for the past two years on why I shouldn’t do it. I can’t give that much time, I’d tell myself. Yet, here I am finishing up my master’s degree in Learning and Technology, a degree I’m not passionate about but will bring me more money.... You make time for things you want to make time for. I kept praying about it, asking God to lead me to the path He wants me to take so that I might live a life worthy of my calling. Today my friend Teresa called and said she has decided to do the Lay School of Ministry and wants me to join too. In my mind, I have 100 reasons why I shouldn’t do it. But don’t you see? This is my sign that I’ve been praying for. I just don’t want to hear it… My classroom is the reason I am unable to stay home with my children. I really struggle with the fact that I give my own children to another person to raise and love while I work with and love on someone else’s child. For the most part, I love my job. It has its challenges, that is for certain, but it’s the career I’ve always wanted to do since I was just a little girl. I love the relationships I form with the kids, and I love getting them excited to learn. I have a great co-teacher and friend and we teach almost all of our classes together. We depend so much on each other that I just couldn’t ever leave her. I’ve invested so much time (and money) into my degree to teach, that I feel that I just can’t leave that either. Not to mention the biggest factor keeping me in my classroom- I carry the health insurance for our family. There is no way we’d be able to survive without health insurance. Again, I pray to God asking Him to lead me. If He wants me to stay home, I ask Him to make it obvious to me. My co-teacher and I talked this summer, and both of us decided it would be worthwhile to try some new things out in the classroom and not teach together this year. A job for the RVA (an online education system through the district I work in) just opened up in which I could work from home and have flexible hours, meaning I could stay home with my children, all while keeping the same benefits I have through the district now. Even with these obvious signs, I just can’t take the plunge. How is it that my faith can be so frail? It brings me to tears! Why can’t I just trust? If I believe, if I truly believe, I should just trust God and do what it is He is saying. God is showing me what to do, He’s laying it out for me completely! He is confirming the calls that I have been feeling. But I just can’t trust Him enough to do what He’s asking. Oh, how I want to! How could I ever think He would lead me astray and that I know better than the God who created the universe? Like the song from Natalie Grant says: “When did I forget that you’ve always been the King of the World? I try to take life back right out of the hands of the King of the World… How could I make you so small, when you’re the one Who holds it all? When did I forget that you’ve always been the King of the World?” So now my prayers are changing….Now, I ask that the Lord helps me to trust and have faith in what He has planned for me, even when it’s not what I want. I pray that He takes away this worldly person that I am, and instead fills me with Himself and His will. I am so thankful that God’s mercy and grace forgive me, and I pray that He continues to pursue me, even as I continue to run away from Him kicking and screaming that I know better than He does…. Romans 11:6 “And since it is through God’s kindness, then it is not by their good works. For in that case, God’s grace would not be what it really is--free and underserved.” (so, so, so undeserved!) Romans 11:33-36 “33 Oh, how great are God’s riches and wisdom and knowledge! How impossible it is for us to understand his decisions and his ways! 34 For who can know the Lord’s thoughts? Who knows enough to give him advice?[a] 35 And who has given him so much that he needs to pay it back?[b] 36 For everything comes from him and exists by his power and is intended for his glory. All glory to him forever! Amen.”
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Sadie JensenI'm a follower of Christ seeking to know Him and live like Him. If you'd like to learn more, read my blog post about my faith journey here. Archives
November 2018
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